Congratulations to author Alayne K. Christian (and one of my critique partners) on the publication of her picture book, Turkey on the Run, illustrated by Neha Rewat, published by PRH Flamingo Books, Sept.29th. I, Tina Cho, invited Alayne to our blog to teach us more about the writing craft.
Thank you, Tina and the GROG group for inviting me to be a guest on your blog. I’ve been thinking about the various things that made my manuscript for Turkey On the Run! successful. And there is a long list, so I thought I would start at the beginning and share some thoughts about what I believe makes a good beginning along with some mentor text examples with analysis.
A strong effective beginning will
improve your chances of having your whole manuscript read by agents and
editors. And if it is acquired, the strong beginning will make your book more
appealing to readers.
The whole objective of first lines is
to capture readers’ attention and make them want more. We want to entice and
incite them to step into the story, buy into the experience, and commit to
taking the journey with our protagonist. This is often referred to as the hook.
A good hook creates questions and curiosity. It makes a promise that says,
“This is what the story is about.” It also sets expectations and maybe even
evokes emotions. Wow! That’s a lot to accomplish in a picture book page or two.
This is true, but writers do it all the time, proving that it can be done.
In picture books, we often incite the reader’s interest with words such as the following, “but,” “until,” “one day,” and we often use the three little dots . . . called the ellipsis. Interestingly enough, these words and punctuation that incite the reader to turn the page usually lead to the inciting incident—the event that energizes the story’s progression. This event moves your protagonists into the action of the story. It also pulls them out of their ordinary world into a new world where change can occur. First lines open the door to the story and lead us over the threshold into the story journey.
In the beginning of a picture book story, it is important to quickly establish the following for the reader: Who, what, where, when, and why. For today, I am going to focus on who, what, and why.
- Who is the story is about?
- What is the story about?
- Why? In order for readers to relate to the main character from the beginning, they need to understand the character’s motivation. They need to know why the character is taking action. Why is he setting off on the journey that will become the story? Just as the why motivates the main character to move forward, it motivates the reader to move forward. The why of the story is the energy of the story.
There is another kind of “why” our
stories create. By giving the reader who, what, and why, we create curiosity. Generally,
there will be something in this information that will prompt the reader to ask “why”
it is happening and what will come next. And this makes the reader want to turn
the page. Following are some great examples.
TURKEY ON THE RUN! by Alayne Kay Christian, illustrated by
Neha Rawat (Flamingo Books 2026)
Spread 1
Turkey was out for his morning run when—
BAM!
He trotted right into a trap.
“You’re just what my wife ordered,” the
old man said.
This creates
curiosity. Sets up a problem. It may even plant a few expectations. It might establish
an emotional connection to the main character.
“What a perfectly perky turkey,” the wife said. “We would like to invite
you to—”
This creates
more curiosity because the reader will question, “Invite him to what?”
Before she could finish, Turkey zoomed
away faster than a lightning bolt.
Spread 2
“Run, run, run as fast
as you can.
You won't catch me
for your roasting pan!”
Who? Turkey. What? A turkey who is trapped on
Thanksgiving morning.
Why? Turkey has made an assumption and fears for his life, so
the chase begins. His motivation? To see the dawn of another
Thanksgiving day. Inciting incident? Turkey getting trapped when he is
out on his morning run.
THE QUACKEN by Justin Colón,
illustrated by Pablo Pino Simon & Schuster 2024
SPREAD 1
Something strange was happening at
Cucamonga Campground.
Great first
line. Readers will want to know what is happening and turn the page.
SPREAD 2
This further
informs the reader and builds tension.
Legend had it that a creature lurked in the lake.
A fearsome,
ferocious, frightening creature.
Some said it swallowed canoes. Campers. Even whales. WHOLE!
But
Hector didn’t believe the legend
All he saw on the lake were cute, cuddly, quacking ducks.
Readers will want to turn the page because they suspect something is going to happen to Hector.
SPREAD 3
Hector was warned: “Don’t go near the ducks!”
“Don’t look at the ducks!”
Don’t even think about the ducks!
And whatever you do. DO NOT FEED THE DUCKS!
But
the ducks looked hungry. With the help of
illustrations, at this point readers most likely expect that Hector is going to
feed the ducks and will be anxious to turn the page and find out what will
happen when he does.
Who? Hector. What? A scary legend. Why? Hector
doesn’t believe the legend. His motivation? Maybe to prove that the
legend is nonsense by feeding the cute ducks. Inciting incident? Hector’s
arrival to camp and his doubt that leads to the action he takes.
IT STARTED WITH A P by Brittany Pomales, illustrated by Andrew Joyner Flamingo Books 2025
SPREAD 1
The night before his birthday, King Liam had a peculiar
dream.
He pondered its meaning over pancakes.
“I had a terrible nightmare! I dreamed my birthday was
ruined!”
“What ruined it, Your Majesty? asked Cedric, King Liam’s
royal advisor.
“Well, I don’t remember. BUT it started with the letter P.”
“Perhaps a pigeon? A popcorn kernel? A piranha?”
“I don’t know!” the king said with a sigh.
So he made a drastic decision.
“Everything that starts with the letter P must go.”
Readers will want to know what
happens when all the things that start with “P” go.
Who? King Liam What? Eliminate everything in the kingdom that starts with the letter P. Why? King Liam dreamed that his part was ruined by something that starts with the letter P. His motivation? To have a perfect birthday party. Inciting incident? The dream.
TOO MUCH SLIME! by Frances Gilbert, illustrated by Vin Vogel Random House New York 2021
Spread 1
It wasn’t really a knock on the door. More of a squelch.
Or a thwack. Or a blerb.
We shouldn’t have opened it.
Great opening lines! Leaving the
reader with the line, “We shouldn’t have opened it.” is an excellent
page-turner. As a reader, I must know why. And I also wonder what in the world
goes squelch, thwack, or blerb?
Spread 2
But we did.
Which was not the smartest move. As
a reader, the suspense is building. Why wasn’t it the smartest move?
Spread 3
We were going to be in so much trouble. Even more tension. How much trouble are they going to be in?
It was icky and sticky
and sloppy and messy.
It was stringy and
stretchy and gloppy
and gunky.
It was SLIME!
TOO MUCH SLIME!
Where could we hide it?
Leaving the reader with an unanswered question is a
good page-turner tool. What happens when there is too much slime? And where in
the world will the kids hide that much slime?
Who? (illustrations show) Two kids, a dog, and a cat. What? Too much slime. Why? They are going to be in trouble and must find a
place to hide the slime. Their
motivation? To stay out of trouble. Inciting incident? The knock on the door/opening the door.
IMPOSSIBLE POSSUMS by Justin Colón, illustrated by James Rey
Sanchez Disney Hyperion 2024
Spread
1
Carl
is bad.
Bad
to the bone.
These are great opening lines just because they are fun.
But they also make readers want to know why or how he is bad to the bone?
Spread
2
He
enjoys popping kids’ balloons.
Licking
their ice cream
Replacing
their ice cream—so he can lick it again.
Now we see “how” he is bad. But what happens when a
possum is bad? We must turn the page to find out. Plus, we want more crazy fun.
Spread
3
And,
in his free time, plotting to take over the world with his villainous devices.
See?
Bad to the bone.
The
thing is, being a bad possum can get a little . . .
The ellipsis is another good page-turner tool. Leaving
the reader questioning, “Being bad to the bone can be a little what?” Of
course, this drives the reader to turn the page.
Spread
4
. .
. lonely.
We get our answer. We start building an emotional
connection to the character and story. Who doesn’t feel sad for someone who is
lonely? And we want to know what he is going to do about his loneliness. So, we
are driven to turn the page.
Who? Carl What?
He is bad to the bone, which creates the “why” of the story. He is
lonely, and that loneliness is his motivation (to make friends) to take
the next actions. Inciting incident? Driving everyone away by being bad.
To learn more about Alayne visit her websites and blog at .
. .
https://alaynekaychristianauthor.com
Blog: https://alaynekaychristian.wordpress.com/
You can find Alayne on social media at . . .
X @alayne_kay
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alaynekay.christian
Blue Sky @alaynekaychristian.bsky.social
Facebook Author’s Page:
https://www.facebook.com/AlayneKayChristianAuthor/
Amazon Author’s Page:
https://amazon.com/author/alayne_kay_christian
YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY6yndWtpXwX6CIRoFi7X4g
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alaynekay/
Linkedin:
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/alayne-kay-christian/12/168/525/
Alayne I am so excited for this story! Fall is the perfect time for this to be out and about running through libraries, bookstores, and into kids hands. Thank you for these great examples of how a picture book hooks readers in the first several spreads and all the examples. Congrats again!
ReplyDeleteI have so much trouble with beginnings and endings. Thank you for the concrete advice and the wonderful examples. Going to go put your ideas into practice right now...
ReplyDelete