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| Maria Gianferrari |

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| Maria Gianferrari |

Congratulations to author Alayne K. Christian (and one of my critique partners) on the publication of her picture book, Turkey on the Run, illustrated by Neha Rewat, published by PRH Flamingo Books, Sept.29th. I, Tina Cho, invited Alayne to our blog to teach us more about the writing craft.
Thank you, Tina and the GROG group for inviting me to be a guest on your blog. I’ve been thinking about the various things that made my manuscript for Turkey On the Run! successful. And there is a long list, so I thought I would start at the beginning and share some thoughts about what I believe makes a good beginning along with some mentor text examples with analysis.
A strong effective beginning will
improve your chances of having your whole manuscript read by agents and
editors. And if it is acquired, the strong beginning will make your book more
appealing to readers.
The whole objective of first lines is
to capture readers’ attention and make them want more. We want to entice and
incite them to step into the story, buy into the experience, and commit to
taking the journey with our protagonist. This is often referred to as the hook.
A good hook creates questions and curiosity. It makes a promise that says,
“This is what the story is about.” It also sets expectations and maybe even
evokes emotions. Wow! That’s a lot to accomplish in a picture book page or two.
This is true, but writers do it all the time, proving that it can be done.
In picture books, we often incite the reader’s interest with words such as the following, “but,” “until,” “one day,” and we often use the three little dots . . . called the ellipsis. Interestingly enough, these words and punctuation that incite the reader to turn the page usually lead to the inciting incident—the event that energizes the story’s progression. This event moves your protagonists into the action of the story. It also pulls them out of their ordinary world into a new world where change can occur. First lines open the door to the story and lead us over the threshold into the story journey.
In the beginning of a picture book story, it is important to quickly establish the following for the reader: Who, what, where, when, and why. For today, I am going to focus on who, what, and why.
There is another kind of “why” our
stories create. By giving the reader who, what, and why, we create curiosity. Generally,
there will be something in this information that will prompt the reader to ask “why”
it is happening and what will come next. And this makes the reader want to turn
the page. Following are some great examples.
TURKEY ON THE RUN! by Alayne Kay Christian, illustrated by
Neha Rawat (Flamingo Books 2026)
Spread 1
Turkey was out for his morning run when—
BAM!
He trotted right into a trap.
“You’re just what my wife ordered,” the
old man said.
This creates
curiosity. Sets up a problem. It may even plant a few expectations. It might establish
an emotional connection to the main character.
“What a perfectly perky turkey,” the wife said. “We would like to invite
you to—”
This creates
more curiosity because the reader will question, “Invite him to what?”
Before she could finish, Turkey zoomed
away faster than a lightning bolt.
Spread 2
“Run, run, run as fast
as you can.
You won't catch me
for your roasting pan!”
Who? Turkey. What? A turkey who is trapped on
Thanksgiving morning.
Why? Turkey has made an assumption and fears for his life, so
the chase begins. His motivation? To see the dawn of another
Thanksgiving day. Inciting incident? Turkey getting trapped when he is
out on his morning run.
THE QUACKEN by Justin Colón,
illustrated by Pablo Pino Simon & Schuster 2024
SPREAD 1
Something strange was happening at
Cucamonga Campground.
Great first
line. Readers will want to know what is happening and turn the page.
SPREAD 2
This further
informs the reader and builds tension.
Legend had it that a creature lurked in the lake.
A fearsome,
ferocious, frightening creature.
Some said it swallowed canoes. Campers. Even whales. WHOLE!
But
Hector didn’t believe the legend
All he saw on the lake were cute, cuddly, quacking ducks.
Readers will want to turn the page because they suspect something is going to happen to Hector.
SPREAD 3
Hector was warned: “Don’t go near the ducks!”
“Don’t look at the ducks!”
Don’t even think about the ducks!
And whatever you do. DO NOT FEED THE DUCKS!
But
the ducks looked hungry. With the help of
illustrations, at this point readers most likely expect that Hector is going to
feed the ducks and will be anxious to turn the page and find out what will
happen when he does.
Who? Hector. What? A scary legend. Why? Hector
doesn’t believe the legend. His motivation? Maybe to prove that the
legend is nonsense by feeding the cute ducks. Inciting incident? Hector’s
arrival to camp and his doubt that leads to the action he takes.
IT STARTED WITH A P by Brittany Pomales, illustrated by Andrew Joyner Flamingo Books 2025
SPREAD 1
The night before his birthday, King Liam had a peculiar
dream.
He pondered its meaning over pancakes.
“I had a terrible nightmare! I dreamed my birthday was
ruined!”
“What ruined it, Your Majesty? asked Cedric, King Liam’s
royal advisor.
“Well, I don’t remember. BUT it started with the letter P.”
“Perhaps a pigeon? A popcorn kernel? A piranha?”
“I don’t know!” the king said with a sigh.
So he made a drastic decision.
“Everything that starts with the letter P must go.”
Readers will want to know what
happens when all the things that start with “P” go.
Who? King Liam What? Eliminate everything in the kingdom that starts with the letter P. Why? King Liam dreamed that his part was ruined by something that starts with the letter P. His motivation? To have a perfect birthday party. Inciting incident? The dream.
TOO MUCH SLIME! by Frances Gilbert, illustrated by Vin Vogel Random House New York 2021
Spread 1
It wasn’t really a knock on the door. More of a squelch.
Or a thwack. Or a blerb.
We shouldn’t have opened it.
Great opening lines! Leaving the
reader with the line, “We shouldn’t have opened it.” is an excellent
page-turner. As a reader, I must know why. And I also wonder what in the world
goes squelch, thwack, or blerb?
Spread 2
But we did.
Which was not the smartest move. As
a reader, the suspense is building. Why wasn’t it the smartest move?
Spread 3
We were going to be in so much trouble. Even more tension. How much trouble are they going to be in?
It was icky and sticky
and sloppy and messy.
It was stringy and
stretchy and gloppy
and gunky.
It was SLIME!
TOO MUCH SLIME!
Where could we hide it?
Leaving the reader with an unanswered question is a
good page-turner tool. What happens when there is too much slime? And where in
the world will the kids hide that much slime?
Who? (illustrations show) Two kids, a dog, and a cat. What? Too much slime. Why? They are going to be in trouble and must find a
place to hide the slime. Their
motivation? To stay out of trouble. Inciting incident? The knock on the door/opening the door.
IMPOSSIBLE POSSUMS by Justin Colón, illustrated by James Rey
Sanchez Disney Hyperion 2024
Spread
1
Carl
is bad.
Bad
to the bone.
These are great opening lines just because they are fun.
But they also make readers want to know why or how he is bad to the bone?
Spread
2
He
enjoys popping kids’ balloons.
Licking
their ice cream
Replacing
their ice cream—so he can lick it again.
Now we see “how” he is bad. But what happens when a
possum is bad? We must turn the page to find out. Plus, we want more crazy fun.
Spread
3
And,
in his free time, plotting to take over the world with his villainous devices.
See?
Bad to the bone.
The
thing is, being a bad possum can get a little . . .
The ellipsis is another good page-turner tool. Leaving
the reader questioning, “Being bad to the bone can be a little what?” Of
course, this drives the reader to turn the page.
Spread
4
. .
. lonely.
We get our answer. We start building an emotional
connection to the character and story. Who doesn’t feel sad for someone who is
lonely? And we want to know what he is going to do about his loneliness. So, we
are driven to turn the page.
Who? Carl What?
He is bad to the bone, which creates the “why” of the story. He is
lonely, and that loneliness is his motivation (to make friends) to take
the next actions. Inciting incident? Driving everyone away by being bad.
To learn more about Alayne visit her websites and blog at .
. .
https://alaynekaychristianauthor.com
Blog: https://alaynekaychristian.wordpress.com/
You can find Alayne on social media at . . .
X @alayne_kay
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alaynekay.christian
Blue Sky @alaynekaychristian.bsky.social
Facebook Author’s Page:
https://www.facebook.com/AlayneKayChristianAuthor/
Amazon Author’s Page:
https://amazon.com/author/alayne_kay_christian
YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY6yndWtpXwX6CIRoFi7X4g
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alaynekay/
Linkedin:
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/alayne-kay-christian/12/168/525/
Welcome back to author Beth Anderson! Today we celebrate her newest picture book, The Patriots and the Pox: George Washington's Battle to Save the Continental Army, illustrated by Ashley Yazdani, publishes with Calkins Creek, Sept. 29, 2026.
Beth amazes me with all the neat facts she uncovers and packs it all into a captivating picture book biography.
Here's my (Tina Cho's) review of the book:
Anderson delivers another fascinating picture book biography about a lesser-known feat of George Washington—saving his troops from the deadly enemy of smallpox. So many decisions went through his mind as he contemplated inoculating his troops. Yazdani’s gorgeous illustrations uplift the text and show the urgency of Washington’s dilemma. Kids can contemplate and contrast inoculation back then and in today’s society. A good book about leadership, choosing bravery, and problem solving.
Take it away, Beth...
Research for THE PATRIOTS AND THE POX involved many categories of information: Continental Army, George Washington, smallpox, battles, strategies, medicine, inoculation, camps, supplies, logistics, and more. And everything was interconnected. One of the challenges was how to sequence the important, complex concepts and context to keep the narrative flowing and pushing forward without diversions, confusion, repeated ideas, or too many words.
Here are a few of the issues I was dealing with:
·
Quarantine requires understanding contagion.
·
Smallpox as a weapon is tied to why the British
weren’t as vulnerable to the disease as the patriots…
·
which is tied to contagion
·
and immunity.
·
The inoculation process requires understanding
contagion, quarantine, and immunity.
While the ability to cut and paste on a computer is miraculous for anyone who grew up using a typewriter, I depend on the good ole “cut it up” strategy that allows me to experiment with reckless abandon for tough sections.
Along with the question that kept me focused [“Why does this matter to Washington and his goal to defeat smallpox?”], questions helped me determine the best sequence of concepts and information pieces. Chronology alone didn’t provide an easy path. Neither did logic. I had two background pieces not tied to chronology. Washington’s experience with smallpox was an easy reflection. But the reason the British weren’t as vulnerable as the colonists was complicated. How could I use these to help build the arc?
These questions helped me find
the sequence for the science concepts.
· What
is essential for the reader to understand __x__?
· What must come before __x__?
So…bring on the scissors! When I work on a challenging section, I cut it into paragraphs. And when I get down to the nitty gritty, I work with sentences. Here are a few examples working with the concepts and events I mentioned above.The sequence you see is what I started with. The numbers on the right show their eventual sequence. Some pieces were cut. Some of the sentences within one piece here ended up in different spots. The toughest chunk to place [*] dogged me for a while as I tried to get it to the bare essentials so as not to bog down the action.
Here’s an example of taking it to the sentence level. I
could move lines more freely. Some were cut, some moved, some changed. If you
compare this sequence to the book, you’ll see there are many differences, not
only in the sequence, but also wording. This was a revision in which I was
setting up the beginning with advantages and disadvantages of each side. While
I liked the back and forth it provided for comparison of the two sides, the
transitions weren’t working.
There’s something special about being able to physically move pieces and experiment without a computer monitor. While it might be because I remember cutting up term papers in high school and it’s in my history as a writer, more likely it’s the kinesthetic aspect that works differently with my brain.
Eventually, finally, through many revisions, I found a
sequence in which each concept supported the next, transitions flowed
effectively, and the scaffolding that was created not only served the arc, but
also allowed me to cut words.
So by all means…play with scissors…[but no running!].
Beth visiting the Pepperell, Massachusetts DAR chapter, holding Prudence Wright’s lantern. There’s George in the background wondering when she would get around to a story about him….finally, here it is—THE PATRTIOTS AND THE POX!
Beth
Anderson is the award-winning author of more than ten illustrated books,
including HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT, THOMAS JEFFERSON’S BATTLE FOR SCIENCE, and
LIZZIE DEMANDS A SEAT. A former educator, she
strives for accidental learning in the midst of a great story and hopes to
inspire kids to laugh, ponder, and question. Born
and raised in Illinois, Beth now lives in Colorado. Visit https://bethandersonwriter.com
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In June, I officially wrapped up my 34-year career as an educator. I spent the last 14 of those years exactly where I belonged, serving as the school librarian at Skokie School in Winnetka. Retirement was just the first domino. Erica and I decided to lean fully into our favorite mantra: Carpe Diem! We sold our house, parted with roughly two-thirds of our belongings, and moved into a lovely apartment in downtown Kenosha.
I am naturally an introverted guy. When I retired, I thought I was fully prepared (even eager) for a sudden lack of human contact. Without a school bell schedule to anchor my day, I started walking my new neighborhood. I was not looking for a grand community connection. I just wanted to get some exercise and learn the grid of my new downtown home.
I began wandering my new backyard armed with just my iPhone. I was not walking for speed. I was trying to get to know the place better.
As I walked, I started taking detailed photos of heavy cornices, thick wooden doors, and rusted fire escapes. That is when I stumbled onto something that truly spoke to me. I have always been enchanted by the beauty of 1930s WPA National Park screen prints. I admire the way they encapsulate a massive landscape using just a few key colors. There is a calm brutalism to them. They distill a subject down to its absolute bones.
What started as an unpremeditated excuse to get outside quickly blossomed into the Greetings from Kenosha project. I realized I wanted to know the stories behind the cream city brick and the mortar. More importantly, I wanted to know the stories of the people who walked through those spaces.
To uncover those stories, I had to risk my introversion. I had to pull open heavy doors and actually talk to the people keeping these local landmarks alive.
I cannot overstate how delightful these conversations have been. Every time I stepped out of my comfort zone, I was met with an incredible reception. Business owners have shared their grand visions for their spaces. They have pulled out hundred-year-old, silver-gelatin photographs of their storefronts for me to study. Some have taken me on behind-the-scenes tours of hidden rooms and spaces the public never gets to witness.
Recently, a reader left a comment on my latest Substack dispatch that brought all of this into focus. They wrote, "Any one of these stories would make a great next book for you."
That comment hit me like a ton of bricks. As writers, we often trap ourselves into thinking that writing only happens when we are isolated at a keyboard. We believe it only counts when we are actively increasing our word count. The truth is much broader. Wandering, observing, photographing, and listening to people's stories are the very foundation of the writing process.
When I trace the history of a forgotten harbor basement or run my hand along a century-old brick wall, I am not taking a break from writing. I am gathering the raw clay. I am world-building in my own backyard.
If you are feeling stuck in your current manuscript, close the laptop and go for a walk. Take a camera. Even the one on your phone will do the trick. Look closely at the way the light hits the buildings you pass every day. Push past your comfort zone and talk to the people inside them. You might be surprised at how quickly the narrative threads begin to weave themselves together.
Next time, I will take you behind the scenes of the technical side of this project. Building an interactive map and visual table of contents for Greetings from Kenosha using the Antigravity IDE required the same trial-and-error mindset as plotting a novel. Stay tuned.
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| photo by Serah Sauser |
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| Fascinating fungi throughout the book! |
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| Author Amy Tern |
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| Old Town Books |