Let's Look at Leads and a Giveaway

by Suzy Leopold

Time to learn about leads and opening lines of well-written stories.

The first lines of a story use the just right words to give a reader a quick peek at the character[s], setting, and story line.

The opening lines must hook a reader. The lead is filled with power to keep the reader turning the page. Coax the reader to continue reading.

A writer must spend time crafting a compelling opening to support all of the hard work of planning, researching, writing, and rewriting a manuscript. These first words help to shape a story.

"The lead must do real work."

--Wiliam Zinsser

How can a writer bring color and cadence to one's story idea through a carefully crafted opening line? 

My students and I begin by examining mentor texts. Recently published books are studied and analyzed. Students are encouraged to read like a writer.

"If I don't like the opening sentences, I put the book back 

[on the shelf]--even if I like another book by that author."
--Peter, 5th grader

As an educator, I need to support students in understanding the lead sentence--the opening sentence, and how it must compel the reader to continue.

Together let's take a look at three nonfiction picture books.

THE PEACE TREE FROM HIROSHIMA
THE LITTLE BONSAI WITH A BIG STORY
Written by Sandra Moore
Illustrated by Kazumi Wilds

Author Sandra Moore begins with these two sentences with a POV from a bonsai tree:

"I was born nearly four hundred years ago on the island of Miyajima. As I pushed up through the dirt, I saw my reflection in the mountain lake."

PAPER SON
THE INSPIRING SOTYR OF TYRUS WONG,
IMMIGRANT AND ARTIST
Written by Julie Leung
Illustrated by Chris Sasaki

Does this opening line, written by Julie Leung, capture your interest?

"Before he became an artist named Tyrus Wong, he was a boy named Wong Geng Yeo who traveled with his father across a vast ocean to America, clutching a bundle of papers in his hand."

LITTLE LIBRARIES,
BIG HEROES
Written by Miranda Paul
Illustrated by John Parra

This opening line, by Miranda Paul, includes two sentences and a page turn.

"For thousands of years, people have loved stories about heroes.

Mythical heroes, historical heroes, and
even . . . "

All three of these leads use the element of "show, don't tell". Each book depicts sensory images. Color and cadence are used in the opening lines. Do you note specific nouns and strong verbs? 

Additionally, I note the three authors' voices included many of the Five Ws. The illustrator, too, incorporated images to support the opening lines.

TITLE	WHO?	WHAT?	WHEN?	WHERE?	WHY?
THE PEACE TREE	Through pictures: an inanimate object	Through words, “As I pushed up through the dirt, . . .” Through pictures: a tiny seedling pushed its way through the soil	Through words, “. . . nearly four hundred years ago . . .”	Through words: “ . . . on the island of Miyajima.” Through pictures: In a forest	Through pictures: a tiny seedling with a big story
PAPER SON	Through words, “. . . an artist named Tyrus Wong . . . Through pictures: Father & son aboard a ship	Through words, “ . . . an artist named Tyrus Wong, . . .” Through pictures: Immigrant, Tyrus & his father	Through pictures: People aboard a ship from years ago.	Through words: . . . “Across a vast ocean to America,  . . . “ Through pictures: Immigrants aboard a ship from years ago	Through pictures & words: An implied theme of immigration to seek better opportunities
LITTLE LIBRARIES	Through pictures: heroes	Through words, “. . . people have loved stories about heroes.” Through pictures: heroes	Through words,  “For thousands of years,. . .”	Through pictures: An implied location of everywhere.	Through words: “. . . Throughout the years, people have loved stories about heroes.”

An opening line may:

• Begin with a question.
• Start with a fascinating fact.
• Share an enticing andecdote.
• State a quote.
• Dive immediately into action.
• Start off with a conversation that includes dialogue.
• Depict a memorable image.

Spend time developing a compelling lead, to make every sentence that follows live up to the lead's power. 

Keep the reader wondering, inquisitive, and wanting more.

###

In the comments below share and write a compelling first line from a nonfiction book to be eligible to win a hand-crafted bookmark painted with watercolors. If you follow the instructions, I'll put your name in a hat and draw two winners. U. S. mail only.

I will announce the lucky winners on the next GROG Blog, March 25th. Good luck. 

1. Write the lead that compelled you to read further. 
2. Include the the title of the book, the author, the illustrator, and the publication date 
[2015-2020].
3. Remember to include your name and email address.

Post script thoughts: During this time, with many schools closed, I note many generous folks sharing read alouds, story time, activities, drawing tips, writing lessons, and more online. Thank you bloggers, authors, illustrators, etc. for encouraging children to avoid "The Spring Slide". 

Want more information? Click on Avoid the Spring Slide to find a list of links. I will continue to update the post with more resources overtime.

May our children continue to learn, grow, stay engaged and be healthy. 

Passive vs. Active ~By Suzy Leopold

Does your current WIP have too many words? Are you looking for just the right word? You know the importance of word count and making every word count.

Perhaps it is time to revise. Let’s look at your manuscript and see what voice you used. As you revise, look for your author’s voice. Doing so, will help you to trim your word count, enhance your manuscript, and clarify the meaning of your story.

There are two types of writing voices. Sentences can be written in a passive voice or an active voice.

Definition of Passive Voice

Tells what is done to someone or something.

• The action performs and is then followed by the subject. Sometimes the subject is missing.
• The who or what receives the action and typically precedes the action [verb].
• The reader is lost in the meaning of the story.

Writing passive sentences is not what you want for your story. A passive voice can sound wordy and awkward. Too many words confuses and looses your reader. Remember the importance of illustrations to tell the story. The pictures will enhance and show the story.

A sentence written in a passive voice may include the verb to be and a past participle of a verb. Look for and eliminate these words:

• a
• are
• be
• being
• is
• had been
• was
• were 

Now, let's look at the voice that is best for your story.

Definition of Active Voice

Tells what a person or thing does.

• The subject performs the action.
• The order is-subject followed by verb. 
• The who or what receives the action and typically follows the action [verb].
• The meaning of the story is clear to the reader.

Writing in an active voice is what you want for your story. An active voice is bold, precise and succinct.

Here are examples of a passive voice versus an active voice:

Passive Voice	Active Voice
The box is filled with picture books.	Picture books filled the box.

Now you try. Change the following sentences from passive to active voice. Remember to write the subject followed by the action.

1. The box of books was destroyed by the rain.

2. The mess will be cleaned by James tomorrow.

3. Reading is enjoyed by Danny.

4. The story was written by Joshua.

5. The letters had been written by the students.

6. The stamps were bought.

How did you do? Did you change each sentence into an active voice? Check for the answers at the end of this post.

As you revise and edit, think about your readers. What do you want the reader to focus on and how do you want to engage them? Eliminate the passive voice. Write in an active voice and choose your words wisely. 

Hope these tips along with the following chart from The Write Life are helpful to you as you revise, edit and polish your manuscript.

“A style that consists of passive constructions will sap the reader’s energy. 

The difference between an active-verb style 

and a passive-verb style–in clarity and vigor–is the 

difference between life and death for a writer.” 

~William Zinsser 

ON WRITING WELL

How did you score? Here are the answers:

1. The rain destroyed the box of books.

2. James will clean the mess tomorrow.

3. Danny enjoys reading.

4. Joshua wrote a fiction story.

5. The students wrote the letters.

6. Dad bought stamps.