Talking to Your Reader with Second Person POV--Guest post by Carrie Finison

Today I (Tina Cho) welcome my writing friend and one of my critique partners--Carrie Finison! Her latest picture book, Don't Hug Doug, hit bookstores the end of January. Carrie is sharing some expert advice on writing in second person point of view and benefits of doing so. Take it away, Carrie!

As I shared recently on Beth Anderson’s blog, the early drafts of my picture book DON’T HUG DOUG were all written in the third person, with a traditional narrative arc. An early draft of the manuscript began this way:

 

One day, when Doug was hammering and gluing and generally minding his own business, some relatives stopped by. They’d been invited to lunch.

Aunt Muriel wrapped him in a pillowy, billowy embrace. “Such twirly curls! And such big, brown, puppy dog eyes!”

“He’s squishier than a jelly doughnut,” said Uncle Hank-the-Tank.

“Dug-ga-hug-ga,” babbled sticky Sukey.

They hugged him and squeezed him and squooshed him and smooshed him.

Their hugs made Doug feel as shriveled and wrung out as a week-old balloon. But he thought it would be rude to say so.

He tried going stiff, but they just hugged him tighter. He tried going limp, but they just hugged him longer…and longer…and LONGER.

I liked the story told this way, but I could not get the ending right. In one version, Doug built a robot for his relatives to hug instead of him. In another version, he adopted a puppy to soak up their attention. In another version, he set up a booby trap with a giant stuffed animal who took on their enthusiastic embraces.

 

While these endings were fun, and funny, they felt wrong because they didn’t truly solve Doug’s problem. Yes, he managed to avoid his relatives’ hugs — this time. But what about next time? Or the time after that? Eventually, he’d be right back where he started. His real problem wasn’t avoiding a single hug — it was getting his relatives to listen to him and accept the fact that he didn’t want hugs from them.

 

THAT problem felt insurmountable. How could Doug solve this problem? How could ANY kid solve it? The truth is, adults often don’t listen to children’s wishes when it comes to hugging (and lots of other things, too) — and often they don’t even think to ask in the first place.

 

Doug, I realized, could not force his relatives to listen to him — but I could. As the writer, I could make readers say things out loud. I could make them say things to each other. I could give them an invitation to interact — with the book, and with each other.

 

I rewrote the story in the second person point of view, addressing the reader. Here it is in published form:

The beauty of writing from the second person is that you create an interactive experience. In this case, I wanted both child and adult readers to have plenty of practice asking and answering the question, “Do you want a hug?” So I made them say it out loud, right in the text of the book. (Cue writerly cackle.)

And, I could give them a chance to physically practice a high five as an alterative to hugging.

By using the second person perspective, I was not only helping my main character make his wishes clear, but also giving readers space, practice, and opportunity to think about their own wishes, and perhaps verbalize them — the takeaway that I wanted for readers from the beginning.

 

Thinking more broadly, the second person point of view can be helpful in an array of circumstances:

 

-        You want your reader’s experience to be interactive — either verbally (the reader says things out loud) or physically (the reader physically interacts with the book in some way).

-        You want to immerse your reader in the experience of the main character. In these books, the narrator addresses the main character of the book as ‘you’ and the reader “becomes” the main character.

-        You want to persuade the reader.

-        You want to convey a familiar childhood experience in a humorous way.

 As always, the best way to get familiar with writing this way is by looking at mentor texts. Here are a few that demonstrate the broad range of what can be done with the second person point of view.

Don’t Feed the Coos by Jonathan Stutzman, illustrated by Heather Fox

Don’t Push the Button by Bill Cotter

The Elephant’s Guide to Hide and Seek by Kjersten Hays, illustrated by Gladys Jose

Flying Deep: Climb Inside Deep-Sea Submersible Alvin by Michelle Cusolito, illustrated by Nicole Wong

How Do You Dance? by Thyra Heder

How to Babysit a Grandpa by Jean Reagan, illustrated by Lee Wildish

How to Wear a Sari by Darshana Khiani, illustrated by Joanne Lew-Vriethoff

If You Decide to Go to the Moon by Faith McNulty, illustrated by Steve Kellogg

If Your Monster Won’t Go to Bed by Denise Vega, illustrated by Zachariah O’Hora

The Iridescence of Birds: A Book About Henri Matisse by Patricia MacLachlan, illustrated by Hadley Hooper

The Secret Code Inside You by Rajani LaRocca, illustrated by Steven Salerno

Warning: Do Not Open This Book! by Adam Lehrhaupt, illustrated by Matthew Forsythe

When Grandma Gives You a Lemon Tree by Jamie L.B. Deenihan, illustrated by Lorraine Rocha

When Your Elephant Has the Sniffles by Susanna Leonard Hill, illustrated by Daniel Wiseman

You DON’T Want a Unicorn by Ame Dyckman, illustrated by Liz Climo

Bio: Carrie Finison writes picture books with humor and heart, including DOZENS OF DOUGHNUTS (2020), DON'T HUG DOUG (2021), and the forthcoming HURRY, LITTLE TORTOISE, and LULU & ZOEY (2022). She lives in the Boston area with her family. For updates and giveaways, subscribe to her newsletter, check out her website or follow on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.

Don't Miss This Manuscript Workshop! ~ by Patricia Toht

Children's writers, DON'T MISS THIS!

A Manuscript Workshop -

in Vermont -

in July -

Photo by Bill Toenjes

with brilliant writing coach Esther Hershenhorn!

Esther Hershenhorn

Esther is an author, a writing teacher, and blogger. She's a writing coach who helps authors achieve their dreams of turning manuscripts into books. I first met Esther when she was regional advisor of SCBWI-IL, and I can attest that she is one of the loveliest, talented, and most encouraging people in the kidlit world.

Recently, I sat down with Esther to ask her about the 2017 Vermont Manuscript Workshop that she will be leading. It will be held at the Landgrove Inn in Vermont on July 9-14.

Q: The Manuscript Workshop was founded by children's author Barbara Seuling. How did she impact your career as a writer, teacher, and coach?

Barbara Seuling

Esther: I am beyond honored to be continuing my mentor Barbara Seuling's venerable Manuscript Workshop, especially now that she is no longer with us. Simply put: Barbara's life as an author, editor, and teacher was pure Show, Don't Tell. She believed - in children's books, in children, and in each children's book writer's capacity to become. She held the bar high; children deserve only the best. "Only the best" was also what her readers and writers received - not only from her Manuscript Workshop but from her

best selling book, HOW TO WRITE A CHILDREN'S BOOK AND

GET IT PUBLISHED, both of which launched the careers of countless children's book creators. I feel so lucky to have known Barbara as a friend, to have learned from her as a writer, to have watched a true teacher at work. Last summer's attendees were lucky, too; her afternoon session was the icing on the cake. I'm already at work planning ways Barbara's affirming, caring spirit will continue to make itself known and breathe life into the Manuscript Workshop.

Q: Who do you feel will benefit most from this workshop - budding writers or more experienced ones?

Esther: The Manuscript Workshop is all about seeding and feeding children's book writers, giving each attendee what he or she needs (1) to grow his or her stories so they resound in readers' hearts and (2) to grow as a writer. There's the story the writer is telling, and there's the writer's story that the writer is living every day.

Attendees at last year's Manuscript Workshop

Writers need only: 
• a working manuscript on which to focus; 
• a want and a need to take that manuscript to the necessary Next Level, whatever that might be; and 
• a willingness to "only connect,' as P.L. Travers advised - with their world, their story, themselves.

All formats and genres for readers of all ages are welcomed!

Like Barbara, I do my best to make sure that any writer seeking the time, space, place, focus, insights, and care to make his or her story the best it can be will benefit from the Manuscript Workshop.

Q: How is leading this workshop different from coaching clients?

Tranquility in Vermont 

Esther: Barbara and I used to tease each other that we do things "the old-fashioned way - i.e. up close and personal," so when it comes to my coaching, the "care" mentioned in my answer above stands front and center. It's my job to not simply teach writers how to write for children, though I want my writers and students leaving with Major Writing Truths and Insights they can bring to each and every manuscript that follows; it's my job to make sure the writer continues to move forward on his/her plot line believing in his/her story and believing in himself/herself as the perfect person to tell that story. Think: teacher, facilitator, resource, cheerleader, travel guide, colleague and Jewish Mother. I'm happy to say that somehow all of those roles instinctively come into play when I teach a class, coach a writer, and/or facilitate a workshop.

Q: What is your favorite part of this workshop?

Esther: Last summer was my first time visiting Vermont's Green Mountains and the outstanding (and historic) Landgrove Inn that offered award-winning cuisine three times a day! 

Vermont's Green Mountains
Photo by Compass Points Media

My writers and I loved how GREEN everything was, the BLUE of the skies, the quiet of the day, except for the spirit-lifting bird songs. They were free to live inside their stories, free from everyday responsibilities, to go deep and true, yet free to share them with their fellow writers. Coming to know each writer - her connection to the story she was telling, her writer's journey, her wants/needs/wishes, and seeing the progress each made during the week, as always gladdened my heart. Seeing them come together throughout the week, however, to help one another - even now, seven months later as an online writers' group named The Vermonters - took my coaching to a Team Level that would have made Barbara Seuling happy. Like Roald Dahl's Matilda, when she discover the book in the library for the very first time, each writer realized she was not alone.

As I said earlier, if you are a writer, DON'T MISS THIS!

For more information about this year's Manuscript Workshop, or to discover more about Esther's work with students and writers, visit Esther's website HERE and HERE.

Please note that Tom Checchia is offering a 10% room discount at the Landgrove Inn for writers who register by Feb. 28th! Connect with the Landgrove Inn HERE.

Read Esther's blog about last year's Manuscript Workshop in Esther's blog post "Making Magic in Vermont."

Esther also reflects on the passing of the wonderful Barbara Seuling in "Barbara as Mentor" HERE. 

Off to Acquisitions! ~ by Patricia Toht

An editor loves your story? Ice that bottle of champagne!

 But don’t pop the cork just yet…

If you’re working with a larger publishing house, your editor will need to take your story to Acquisitions.

"Nobody Expects a Doodle of the Spanish Inquisition" by Alejandra Ramirez

No, not the Inquisition!

Acquisitions. I know, it sounds so mysterious! But at a recent SCBWI workshop, one session gave interesting insights into the process. But first, let me set things up.

Acquisitions varies among publishers. Some call it the Pub Board. There may be a separate Editorial Meeting. But whatever the name, Acquisitions usually involves one or more editors, the publisher, the art director, and…

Dum da dum dum. Marketing and publicity. The money people.

Photo by 401kcalculator.org

While we all may wish that book decisions be made on literary value alone, that's not reality. As Harold Underdown says in his article here, "The books still matter, but so do the finances."

Your editor will lovingly compile an Acquisitions Proposal for your book. Again, differences abound, but it would likely include a summary of the book, the target audience, and “comp titles” (similar books) along with their sales figures.  (For a great post about researching comp titles, check out this post by Jill Corcoran.)

The Acquisitions Meeting is a chance for all parties to discuss the possibilities for your book and ask any questions or raise concerns they might have.

At the workshop I attended, Erica Finkel, Assistant Editor at Abrams, gave us a peek at three of these discussions and the types of questions raised. Of course, the first thing they look for is good writing. But they also look for:

• What is the author’s sales track? (New authors are riskier.)

• What are the comp titles sales?

• Can they afford the author?

• Is it too similar or different to the publishers other projects?

• Will it be a series or stand-alone?

One surprising thing for me concerned comp titles. It’s actually a plus if there are strong-selling titles out there that are similar to your book – it shows interest. If your book is “something we’ve never seen before,” that can actually work against you because the publisher must take a leap of faith, with moneybags in hand.

In the discussion about a novel, voice came up frequently. Are the voices of multiple characters distinct? Can readers identify with each character? Are there too many characters? Does an adult point of view creep in?

Two picture book discussions elicited a variety of questions. Is the humor and language appropriate for the age group? Is the underlying message clear enough? The story is strong, but does it pull the reader in emotionally? Strengths mentioned were character growth, strong ending, and tapping into a popular subject with a creative twist.

At the end of the Acquisitions Meeting, the editor has an answer:

• Yes! The project moves to offer.

• No. The editor loved it, but just couldn’t drum up enthusiasm.

• Maybe. Back to re-writes.

Hopefully, the answer for you will be YES!

Photo by Andy Price

You can read more about Acquisitions here, here, and here. Or take a peek at the process at Peachtree Publishers.

Artwork in today's post used in agreement with the Creative Commons license.

Giveaway + Unhappy about David Pogue by Jan Godown Annino

            
            I fast become underwhelmed with new technology news. Not overwhelmed.

            Each new nextgen flipperdoodle that wants my attention & money has to compete against my time with

nature

family

and

writing.

Too. Much. Wonderful. Here. 

To do with family, community, or rambling solo on a writing- in- my-head-while-walking perambulation. So new tech has to be better than all that.  But even if I'm not going to be using much of it, I crave to keep knowledgeable. 

Here are one, two, three ways that I begin to understand important new gadgets or process developments, which many folks, such as your basic snowed-in Banks Islander, employ to be happy, stay busy, keep the neurons firing.

And let me say, I never know when the next Animoto type book trailer gizmo offering 30 seconds of free wizardry will roll out. I loved playing with Animoto for the book trailer. When an irresistible gizmo pops up, I’ll know to use it. Thanks to:

DAVID POGUE, The New York Times' former personal tech. columnist & award-winning writer. Although I have his archived pieces to console myself with, I miss David Pogue. He was the best tech reporter I read. And his departure at the end of 2013 for Yahoo sent readers off to eat extra scoops of coconut ice cream in their misery. His Times associates haven’t abandoned my need for information. And they sweetly collect their talented colleague's works, which they no doubt learned much from.

TECHZULU. Frequently the sun rises in the west, as far as my knowing of new developments, such as StoryBots & salted caramel. The California based TECHZULU provides go-to news. Here is their report with video, from the first inklings I gleaned about StoryBots. Noodle around the categories & find your favorite departments.. And alert your daughter or son, who is the next David Pogue, to apply at TECHZULU with a whisper that I sent them.

SCHOOL LIBRARY JOURNAL. Can’t praise SLJ enough. This meaty standard of our children’s literature world doesn’t leave me wanting for tech news that specifically relates to all things publishing & children’s lit.  SLJ delivers with concise & savvy details, but doesn't overload. Currently the department I most access is The Digital Shift & the names I seem to see at the top of stories I read are Sarah Bayliss & Roy Tennant. But I trust any byline.

 

So that’s only 3 mega-sources. 

I'm sure there are others.

GIVEAWAY-

Comment.
About the subject of this blog.
Or about writing for children.

With each comment also  leave your real name if that is not the automatic comment name (for example, when mine isn’t my name, it is Bookseedstudio.)

Two prize-winners:

One

A surprise item from my children’s literature vault (U.S. & Canada postal mail, only.)

Two

A complimentary critique of your poem for children, up to 50 words (so, several children's poems, possibly.)

The winners pick prize One, or Two

(Two is automatically yours if you are outside Canada & the U.S.)

For this drawing supervised by the bunny helper in the magician’s hat, 
comments must be left on this particular post (& not emailed, called in, sent by semaphores, postal package, or other method) through NOON EST, Wed. MAY 28^th 2014.
 So why not get them in by May 27? 
Or even, this week?

Good luck! 

Further note - enter up to 3 times, any time before deadline.
Remember to include your real name each time, with differing comments, of course. 
And you may leave 3 separate comments in the same day.

Please return to our Grog Blog tomorrow for GROGGER Tina Cho's part 2 of zippy tips about educational market writing.

THANKS for following the GROUP BLOG. We are glad you are here. 

Article citation:

April 15, 2014 Group Blog/Blogger "Giveaway + Unhappy About David Pogue" by Jan Godown Annino

© Jan Godown Annino. All rights reserved.