Passive vs. Active ~By Suzy Leopold

Does your current WIP have too many words? Are you looking for just the right word? You know the importance of word count and making every word count.

Perhaps it is time to revise. Let’s look at your manuscript and see what voice you used. As you revise, look for your author’s voice. Doing so, will help you to trim your word count, enhance your manuscript, and clarify the meaning of your story.

There are two types of writing voices. Sentences can be written in a passive voice or an active voice.

Definition of Passive Voice

Tells what is done to someone or something.

• The action performs and is then followed by the subject. Sometimes the subject is missing.
• The who or what receives the action and typically precedes the action [verb].
• The reader is lost in the meaning of the story.

Writing passive sentences is not what you want for your story. A passive voice can sound wordy and awkward. Too many words confuses and looses your reader. Remember the importance of illustrations to tell the story. The pictures will enhance and show the story.

A sentence written in a passive voice may include the verb to be and a past participle of a verb. Look for and eliminate these words:

• a
• are
• be
• being
• is
• had been
• was
• were 

Now, let's look at the voice that is best for your story.

Definition of Active Voice

Tells what a person or thing does.

• The subject performs the action.
• The order is-subject followed by verb. 
• The who or what receives the action and typically follows the action [verb].
• The meaning of the story is clear to the reader.

Writing in an active voice is what you want for your story. An active voice is bold, precise and succinct.

Here are examples of a passive voice versus an active voice:

Passive Voice	Active Voice
The box is filled with picture books.	Picture books filled the box.

Now you try. Change the following sentences from passive to active voice. Remember to write the subject followed by the action.

1. The box of books was destroyed by the rain.

2. The mess will be cleaned by James tomorrow.

3. Reading is enjoyed by Danny.

4. The story was written by Joshua.

5. The letters had been written by the students.

6. The stamps were bought.

How did you do? Did you change each sentence into an active voice? Check for the answers at the end of this post.

As you revise and edit, think about your readers. What do you want the reader to focus on and how do you want to engage them? Eliminate the passive voice. Write in an active voice and choose your words wisely. 

Hope these tips along with the following chart from The Write Life are helpful to you as you revise, edit and polish your manuscript.

“A style that consists of passive constructions will sap the reader’s energy. 

The difference between an active-verb style 

and a passive-verb style–in clarity and vigor–is the 

difference between life and death for a writer.” 

~William Zinsser 

ON WRITING WELL

How did you score? Here are the answers:

1. The rain destroyed the box of books.

2. James will clean the mess tomorrow.

3. Danny enjoys reading.

4. Joshua wrote a fiction story.

5. The students wrote the letters.

6. Dad bought stamps.

Rebecca Hirsch Writes Science

By Sue Heavenrich

Rebecca Hirsch has written more than sixty books, from picture books to YA nonfiction, for educational and trade markets. She’s also written about science and nature for Spider and other magazines. Her most recent picture book, released just last month, is Plants Can't Sit Still. If you’ve got a wiggly-worm for a child, you’ve gotta get a copy. (I reviewed it on Friday over at Archimedes Notebook)

“This was the manuscript I took to Rutgers back in 2013,” she said, but the story Hirsch took to Rutgers looked nothing like the breezy text of the published book.

“It was a list about cool things plants can do,” she said. Her Rutgers mentor pointed out that it needed just a few things to set it straight:

• an entry into the story
• a narrative ark
• a strong ending
• turn descriptions into art notes and let illustrations show those details

 The first thing Hirsch did when she went home was to closely study picture books. “I wanted to see how they start. And I discovered I could take out description because it would be shown in the artwork.” One of the books that helped her see a different way to organize material is Ducks Don’t Get Wet, by Augusta Goldin. She paid attention to how that book used a repeating line. It took her about six months, and a complete re-visioning of her story, but she found the heart of the book.

Reading the kind of book that you want to write is important, Hirsch says. One summer when she didn’t have any projects, she read 100 picture books. She chose a number of award-winners and studied how the first sentence worked; how the first page worked; what the “fresh take” was for that story. At the same time, she studied Ann Whitford Paul’s Writing Picture Books.

“It’s focused on fiction, but the rules apply to nonfiction,” Hirsch said.

Her advice to other writers? “Have more than a single project going on at once.” On any single day, Hirsch usually has four to six books in various stages of completeness. Right now she’s doing preliminary research for one, writing text for a middle grade science book, has a couple picture books in the rough draft stage. “This,” she says, “allows me to get away from one project for a couple days – and come back with more clarity.”

Every six months or so, Hirsch takes a step back and reviews her goals. She usually has two or three big goals: write a new picture book; study picture books; maybe write some poetry. She also sets herself a few minor goals that she matches to a timeline: do research, draft the story, do the back matter. She puts these on a calendar.

“Having a framework helps,” says Hirsch. “Knowing that this week I’m working on back matter helps me stay organized.”

It must be working because she’s got another book hitting the shelves in November, Birds vs. Blades. It’s about offshore wind power and protecting seabirds.

Translation: A Necessity for Children's Literature by Tina Cho

If you've ever read Heidi or Fairy Tales in your childhood, you have a translator to thank. Translators are an important link in creating quality children's literature. I never realized this until I sat in a class titled "On Translation" taught by Cathy Hirano at the Asian Festival of Children's Content in Singapore last May. 

Cathy is a Canadian who lives in Japan and translated an award winning book by Yumoto Kazumi, The Friends, among many others.

Cathy says, "Books in every language capture unique character and experience." Because of translation we can see into other cultures. Following are notes from her session.

1. Translations can nurture and inspire minds.

We only know of Socrates because of translations. Cathy shared that from reading Heidi, which was written in 1881 and translated from German, she learned she can talk to God. 

In Japan, they wanted to be like the West. So classics such as Alice in Wonderland were translated. During the war, Japan censored what could be translated. However, a lady secretly translated Anne of Green Gables, published in 1952. 

2. Translation can inspire and nurture new authors.

The author Cathy translated for was inspired by Stephen King. Another Japanese writer wrote the first Japanese fantasy, which was inspired by C.S. Lewis's The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. These authors wouldn't have been inspired by Western authors, if their books weren't translated.

Issues of translating:
Time and money
Publishers are reluctant to take risks. Translation takes a long time and is harder to sell if the character is a different nationality. You must have a quality translation. However, most translators receive low pay and no fame. It would be ideal if the translator also had their name on the cover and received copyright.

I'm so glad I sat in on Cathy's class. It's been fun seeing my author friends' books get translated into other languages, especially Korean. Translating is indeed an art and as difficult as writing the original story. Lately I was able to help critique my friend's English translation of a Korean story they hope to sell to an American publisher. Choosing the right English words and ideas is difficult. Translating isn't word for word, but more thoughts and ideas for thoughts and ideas.

Author friend Julie Hedlund's book translated into Korean: My Love for You Is the Sun

So thank a translator, and if you are bilingual, perhaps you can step in and translate so children can glimpse into your culture.

For more on translating, read this from SCBWI--Translation: Some Frequently Asked Questions.  There are also awards given to translated works, mentioned in these FAQs.

To see an interview of Cathy Hirano, check this link at Cynsations. 

Sandy Brehl's Second Book Bjorn's Gift!

It's an honor to have Sandy Brehl back to visit us on the GROG Blog. When last she visited us, she was sharing about her first novel Odin's Promise, published by Crispin Books, an imprint of Crickhollow in 2014.  Now she is here to talk about the second book in what will be a trilogy, Bjorn's Gift.

Sandy Brehl is a retired educator and active member of SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators). When she’s not reading and writing, she enjoys gardening. She lives in the Milwaukee area and invites you to visit her website (www.SandyBrehl.com) to learn more about ODIN’S PROMISE and BJORN’S GIFT. Sign up for quarterly newsletters to stay informed about future releases (including MARI’S HOPE), and special events and offers. 

Your second book continues the epic story of life during the German occupation of Norway during what becomes World War Two.  Can you share with us what it is that interested you about this time period?

With a dad who fought in the Battle of the Bulge, I grew up knowing that  World War Two changed the fate of all of our lives. As a young reader and later as a teacher I read and shared dozens of novels about that era, including THE DIARY OF A YOUNG GIRL by Anne Frank,  SADAKO AND THE THOUSAND PAPER CRANES by Eleanor Coerr, Lois Lowry’s NUMBER THE STARS, and many others.

Throughout those readings, I assumed that Norway was neutral, as Sweden was. When I read SNOW TREASURE by Marie McSwigan, as an adult, I realized Norway had been occupied by German forces even before the United States joined the war effort.

Why did you choose to tell the story from the perspective of a young girl in Norway?

The examples I mentioned primarily featured young girl characters, but that wasn’t my original approach to this story. The anecdote that inspired me to share Norway’s war history centered on a wedding story I heard during a visit there.

I wanted it to be a book I could share with young readers. Several early versions involved a younger sister as a secondary character, a “hook” for that age group. I struggled to imagine what a young person living through five years of occupation would think and feel.

Then I found a particular research resource. It included excerpts (with translation, thank goodness) from actual journal entries written by young Norwegians throughout the years of occupation. When I read those excerpts, I suddenly viewed my years (actually decades) of research and writing attempts through Mari’s eyes. From that point on Mari’s voice in my ear pointed me toward her own story. She even made room for my original inspiration, the wedding story that inspired me

When you started with the first book, did you know that you would develop it into a trilogy?  

That original story, and then Mari’s version, spanned the first year of the German occupation of Norway. That structure worked for character growth, plot, and relationships. The fact that the war (and occupation) dragged on for four more years had nothing to do with my story, which I wrote to stand alone. After spending decades getting to that point, one book was totally satisfying to me.

Almost immediately after it released, readers began asking when the sequel would appear. My editor explored several approaches with me and I dove into research. With four more years of occupation, Mari would age from twelve years old to sixteen. My first attempt was far too long.

Writing it as a trilogy was a desperate move, but the only one that made sense to me. During the second and third years of the occupation significant historic developments took place, the German pretext of being friendly occupiers dropped away, and Norwegians sustained hope that the Allies would come to their rescue.

In Bjorn’s Gift Mari ages from barely twelve to nearly fourteen, which is a distinct stage of development.

In the final book, conditions change dramatically in a different direction and Mari will be an even more independent teen, fourteen to sixteen. The only hint I’ll give beyond that is that Mari’s choices will take her beyond her tiny village into a larger city with greater responsibilities and risks. And some key characters from book two play even bigger roles in the final book.

Bjorn's Gift explores the tension around 'joining' groups, both the resistance and the Norwegian Nazi Parties.  How do you draw parallels to challenges faced by your readers today

Germany was determined to erase Norway’s identity through a frightening blend of propaganda, lies, power plays, and veiled threats. By the second year, when Bjorn’s Gift begins, the complexity of those forces affected everyone. It was clear that Germany’s world power was growing, the occupation showed no signs of ending, and life was increasingly difficult for those who resisted. Only by maintaining a firm grip on national identity, family identity, and core values could Mari or anyone else resist pressures from all sides.

Like German youth (Brownshirts), young Norwegians (Unghird) were conditioned to support the Nazis with promises of power and prestige at the sacrifice of individuality, integrity, and independence.

Young people in any time or circumstances, but especially during middle grades, face that struggle on a daily basis: standing up and speaking out against bullying; resisting peer pressure; making poor choices to elevate your social status; pressures to turn your back on true friends because they are considered “less” or “other”.

Choices are rarely clear-cut. Turning to trusted adults can be helpful, but it’s even more important to examine your own values and choices. When it comes right down to it, the only person you’ll live with forever is yourself. Who you see in the mirror, who you see in your heart, should be someone you respect.

Do you have any suggestions for our readers about how to create a character with such believability?

First, thank you for saying that Mari is believable. Bjorn’s Gift and the final Mari’s Hope would never have been written if readers hadn’t insisted they needed to know what happened to Mari and her family and friends. Nothing about writing has been more gratifying than that.

Mari has become very real to me since we first “met” in the journal entries from history. For the first book, those young journal voices allowed Mari to appear and walk right into a fairly scripted storyline. She made it her own, even insisting on some elements that I resisted. Ultimately, letting Mari be herself, listening to what she needed in order to be someone I would want to know, made all the difference.

I credit my critique group for their ability to point out specific passages in which I was overdoing a behavior pattern. They called me on it every time when her voice shifted to mine. Or, worse yet, to a “teacher” voice.  Finding critique partners you can trust is essential.

For this book, which I never intended to write, I had no idea what Mari’s story

would be, so I went back to research and journal reading, drawing on my own

memories of that age, and my years of teaching to allow Mari to face

escalating challenges realistically. Ultimately, letting Mari be herself, listening

to what she needed in order to be someone I would want to know, made all

the difference. I’m anxious to see if readers still feel Mari is worth caring about

in this new book.

6. Have you been lucky enough to travel to the area about which you write?  If so, how has that inspired you?  If not, how do you develop such fantastic sense of 'place' without being there?

I am NOT Norwegian, but I visited the little village of Ytre-Arne twice with a friend who traveled there to meet her half-dozen aunts and uncles and eleven first cousins for the first time. During both trips, we visited lovely locations, but much of our time was spent in various living rooms in and around Ytre Arna, looking at photo albums and hearing stories about her family history. Many of them centered on the long occupation years, including a true story about a wedding held on their important holiday, Syttende Mai, as a subtle form of resistance. While writing various scenes I held images of rides and walks through that village in my mind’s eye, creating fictional elements that meshed with my memories.

7. Are there certain 'human' qualities that your novels explore?

Before I was a writer I was a reader and a storyteller. That’s the only way I know how to write. I don’t intentionally try to explore human qualities but do try to tell stories that allow them to be recognized.

Whether writing about history, contemporary stories, or even fantasy, a story’s strength and staying power depend on readers making that human connection, on drawing readers into the drama or humor or adventure in ways they can recognize, even when it’s somewhere as fantastic as Hogwarts. I’m convinced that connection only happens when universal human emotions and challenges and relationships resonate throughout the story.

That’s why making sure all readers have access to all kinds of books with diverse characters and circumstances are so important. History is an important example of that. Within books, we can find ourselves, and we can see  (and feel) ourselves in the lives of others, even decades or centuries in the past. When stories are told well, we can learn and grow within their pages without being taught a single thing.

8. What is next for you? 

Book three, the conclusion of the trilogy, is Mari’s Hope. It’s scheduled to release in May 2017. It was written last year but will require some thoughtful revisions to accommodate changes in the final version of Bjorn’s Gift.

Throughout this longer-than-expected process, I’ve continued writing picture book texts, (as yet unpublished), and started a contemporary middle-grade novel that’s waiting patiently for my attention until this trilogy is fully launched.

Of course, throughout it all, I read extensively, post reviews on Goodreads, blog about picture books (http://unpackingpicturebookpower.blogspot.com) and historical fiction (http://thestoriedpast.org), and participate actively in Wisconsin’s amazing SCBWI events (http://wisconsin.scbwi.org).

Whew! That sounds like a lot even to me, but I love every bit of it!

In addition to rich background on both the author and her process, Sandy offers valuable resources for teachers who want to use her books with her students.  Her For Teachers Page is a great place to start if you are wondering how to bring these fascinating characters and the time period to life.   

We are so excited to have had this chance to learn more about you and the way these two fascinating books have come together.  We look forward to book three Mari's Hope in 2017.

If you want to get in touch with Sandy, or get to know here work better, take a look at the wide variety of contacts she has shared with us!  

http://www.sandybrehl.com

Twitter: @SandyBrehl

https://www.facebook.com/sandy.brehl

SCBWI-Wisconsin

Sandy@sandybrehl.com

Sandy shares a blog about middle grade historical novels with three other authors: http://TheStoriedPast.org

Also blogs about picture books at

http://UnpackingPictureBookPower.blogspot.com

and @PBWorkshop on Twitter